Monday, February 21, 2011

Introducing: The Slinkie Jim

I recently purchased a box of 100 Slim Jims because I assumed they'd be snatched up like that at an event I was attending. But by the end of the evening, I found myself the owner of 97 individually wrapped Slim Jims.

What to do...

There are so many stories about great food combinations that came about by happy accident. You've all heard the legend of the ice cream cone, right? An ice cream vendor suddenly ran out of bowls, but it didn't take long before a nearby waffle vendor came to his rescue.

So why not combine the sweet and spicy/salty goodness of two food-like substances which already seemed geometrically made for each other: Twinkies and Slim Jims!


(Note: When experimenting with food-like substances, always check the "Best if used by" date to make sure the flavors are as fresh as possible. Of course, if the packaging doesn't include a year, then you're always good to go!)


When constructing your Slinkie Jim, start with just one. You never know how your particular stomach will react.


Since Twinkies are symmetrical, it doesn't matter into which end you decide to stick your Slim Jim.


It may be difficult to push it in at first, but don't give up.


But if the Twinkie begins to split...STOP!!!


Surrounded by white cream and a golden sponge cake, the Slim Jim will no longer Snap! when you bite into it, so don't expect that familiar sensation. Remember, a Slinkie Jim is its own unique food-like product.


If you can stomach it, go ahead and try another bite (just in case that first taste was a fluke).


And if you don't believe in throwing food away (even if it's simply food-like), you may as well eat the rest.


But don't eat any more than that.

Don't!

Instead, run your greasy face under a faucet and do a strenuous 30-minute workout. Because seriously, what in the world were you thinking???

15 comments:

proseandkahn said...

Oh my! How disgustingly hilarious! My breakfast flip-flopped as I viewed your photos with morbid fascination and not one desire to try this at home.

brenda

kathleen duey said...

The fact that you posted this at 5am is telling. No one's brain is working up to capacity at hour. But still. Jay. Really?

Maryanne said...

"A mind is a terrible thing to waste..." That said, I am glad you are using yours for...shall we say...creative endeavors! I mean, who would THINK up something like that? Well done, my friend. You make me proud!!!

Sabrina said...

Ew! Yuck...but it was funny. Thanks for sharing, Jay. ;)

storiesofmoss said...

Yeah. That's gross. Please tell me you have a dog or some other kind of pet that took the bites for you. Otherwise you might want to look into a good home-style stomach pump.

~Niki

NotAFanOfTofu said...

I would try this and all but I'm vegietarian.Out of Pure curiosity, What meat are Slim Jim's made out of????

Katie Alender said...

Um, there is a year--the Year of Our Robot Overlords 00334. So you still have some time.

Also, gross. So very gross.

Jay Asher said...

But didn't any of you, at the beginning of the post, think that maybe it would taste good?

I thought there was a good chance it'd be yummy!

[I swear this is the truth: The word verification for this comment is EJECT, which is almost what the Slinkie Jim did when it hit my stomach.]

Ellen Hopkins said...

Are you saying you actually ate it?

Laura Ludwig Hamor said...

I cannot get passed the fact that you ate that... the whole thing. UCK
Honestly, the most disgusting thing I have seen in a while!

You promised disgusting and you delivered! I give you that.

m. christine weber said...

You and the owners of that deep-fried twinkie booth at the fair should go into business. **cha-ching**

SRH said...

Actually you may have hit on something - not a Slim Jim, but maybe a fruit stick or something compatable with all of that cream - if it works - quick Patent It!!

Indigo said...

Why does this remind me of Mother's Day when my daughter was four. She brought me a plate of M&M's mixed with chips, pickles and beef jerky. It was a soggy, greasy mess, and yes, I did take a few bites and pretend to like it. Comes with the territory. (Hugs)Indigo

Michaele Razi said...

I'm scared but gigglling. heehee. BTW, saw you speak at the Western Wa conference and you were awesome and inspiring. Thank you!

Catherine said...

Could someone tell me what any of those things are? Because we don't have anything like that in England . . . .